He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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