VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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