I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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