What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
