Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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