sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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