just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
