i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
