We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
