the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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