Umm I'm too high to move.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
