im drinking this country out of the recession.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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