the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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