update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
