My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
