He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
