He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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