I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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