Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
