Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
