yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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