I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A+ Viking dick
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