just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
