waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
