I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
