If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
