this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
