I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
