I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
