So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
