I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
