did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I need a burrito and a hug.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
