chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
