She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
