I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The feeling are messing with the penis
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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