is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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