my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
