benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
