How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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