I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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