Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize