please come you make the beer taste better
My balls are so social today.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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