A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
