Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
