you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I deserve this hangover.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
