i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize