Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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