I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
