I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
