Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
