AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
