I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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