Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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