Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
