kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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