also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
