it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
