Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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