im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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