I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
