we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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