A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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