I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
