Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
