so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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