well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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