my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
