I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
