I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
