Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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