Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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