you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
