Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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