I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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