the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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