Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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