So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My balls are so social today.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
