dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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